Visiting a New Mom – How to be Invited Back

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I know how it is. Your girlfriend has a baby and all you want to do is speed over to her house and snuggle that little nugget. But now that I’ve been in those “new mom shoes” myself, I know that not every new mom wants to be bombarded with visitors that may over-stimulate their already sensitive child. Being a good friend to a new mom means celebrating in ways that will help them, not add to their stress. For me, when my friends were anxious because they had not yet met Mr. Cutie, I assured them that between being too tired, overwhelmed and covered in baby mess, I was quite alright without the company. So instead of just making a date to show up and hold the baby, here are some ways to make sure that mom actually enjoys your visit and will invite you to come back.

Visiting a new mom image

Wait for an Invitation

Let her know that you cannot wait to meet the baby, but let her suggest a time to come over. Don’t expect a quick response either. Feel free to check in with her and ask how she’s doing, but when she is ready for visitors, she will reach out.

Be on Time

New moms are a combination of exhausted, overwhelmed and emotional, so when you do finally set a date, PLEASE, be on time. Don’t make a new mom wait for you when she could otherwise be taking advantage of a spare moment to sleep or shower.

Bring her Favorite Food

Ask her what she is craving and pick up something from a decent restaurant (no fast food). If you’re a good cook, consider making a dish that will last a couple of days. Be sure to bring enough food for dad, so he has something to eat when he gets home, too. If you do cook, ask if she has any dietary restrictions, because if she’s like me, her baby was blessed with a sensitive stomach that can’t handle dairy. Oh, how I miss ice cream and queso. Back to my point…top off her favorite meal with her drink of choice, which a lot of times equals a trip to Starbucks. Oh, and throw in a cake pop for her while you’re there!

Don’t Forget About Mom

After a long pregnancy and exhausting labor, the focus seems to always turn to the baby. Make sure to give your friend a lot of love, as well. Ask her how she is feeling and about her birth experience. Make sure she has plenty of support, as it’s important that mom is doing well emotionally. Coming from someone that suffered from ‘Baby Blues’ for about 2 months, the best thing for me was talking about it. If you’re feeling extra generous, bring her a gift certificate for a pedicure from her favorite nail shop. Pampering is key for a new mom and it will encourage her to get out by herself.

Don’t Give Advice Unless Asked

If you are asked, tread lightly. This is new for her and having too many ‘experts’ weigh in can wreak havoc on an already foggy brain. There will be many-a-text-message down the road, with her asking for tips and advice. She needs time to figure out this new human before she really knows what she needs advice on.

Take Pictures

And I don’t mean of you and her baby. Yes, you can do that, but help your friend capture some early memories of her and her baby, as well. She will spend most of her time behind the camera, and will treasure any pictures she has with her in them.

Be Helpful

If you see dishes in the sink, rinse them off and load them in the dishwasher. If there is a pile of laundry on the couch, start folding. If you live close, come over and mow the lawn. Don’t ask her (because she will say ‘don’t worry about’), just do it.

Leave

Seriously, don’t stay long. One hour tops, unless your friend invites you to stay longer. Make up something you have to do and let yourself out. And if the new mom is very tired, don’t stay at all – just drop off the food and go. It’s hard work for a new mom to be sociable, entertaining and to put on a smiley face for too long.

And last, please wash your hands when you arrive, and save your friend from having to make that awkward request.

Hey new moms, what other rules would you like to add to this list?

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Jackie M. is mom to an adorable little boy, wife to David and dog-mom to the cutest German Shepherd around. She is an allergy mom, learning to navigate the various trials and tribulations ‘mom status’ brings to life. The good, the bad, and of course, the sometimes slightly ugly. In Jackie’s other life, she is the Marketing and Communications Director for a local Country Club. Jackie is ‘Miss DIY’ and has an Etsy shop {Fancy Flamingo} where she makes custom banners for life’s special occasions. Born and raised in the Midwest, Jackie is originally from Kansas City. She has called Colorado home since 2008, and loves experiencing all that this amazing state has to offer! A few or Jackie's favorite things include caramel lattes, clothes from Loft, M&Ms, a well organized craft room, taking too many pictures, exploring Colorado and the great outdoors, her husband’s cooking, and of course, the occasional time that she can spend on the couch.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t forget about the Fur baby! If the new mom has a dog offer to take him/her for a short walk! Our poor dog was so neglected she loved any extra attention.

  2. Honestly, I loved having people come to the hospital. They weren’t going to let me leave early, so I had two days of being there, and having people come by made the time go faster. And I wasn’t thinking about if my house was messy, or if I needed to make them coffee. I know not everyone would want that, but I loved having people meet Ajax at the hospital and then we got a little quiet time once we were home.

    And yes! Dishes! Even if I haven’t just had a baby, if you come over to my house you are always welcome to just do my dishes;)

  3. Jackie, these tips are seriously SO spot on. I have been trying to pick a favorite tip– but just can’t! All of them really make a difference to a new mom!

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