In late 2015, I wrote about all of the parenting tasks I didn’t feel like doing anymore. Well it’s been 18 months or so, and guess what, I don’t have to do some of them anymore! Isn’t that the magic of childhood? Of parenthood really? Kids grow up, and suddenly they can be trusted to eat an entire grape without fear of death. I’d say it makes me wistful, but honestly, no. It doesn’t. Not at all. Sorry to all you suckers that are still cutting grapes in half.
Or how about potty training? Hallelujah I will never potty train another child.
I have to face the facts though. I’m still a mom of two little girls, and there are still a lot of parenting tasks I don’t feel like doing anymore. Things that I’ll never feel like doing. But I’ll probably have to do them later today. If not today, definitely tomorrow. Brushing hair that doesn’t want to be brushed. Folding tiny socks. Picking up toys. Putting kids in carseats.
So, without further ado, let the bitch session commence. Some things I don’t feel like doing anymore:
- Rushing around in the morning so we aren’t late for school. Nothing feels worse than frantically running down the block, in front of all of the other moms, my kid without a coat and me with two different shoes on. Hot mess alert.
- Signing up for things. Soccer, karate, art, … I don’t know… they’re supposed to be doing something, I’m sure, but I don’t seem to have a handle on what is the right thing and when I’m supposed to sign up for it and how I can make sure they’re in with all of the right friends. I am terrible at this.
- Clothing management (I made this up, sounds like a legit term though, right?) Look, I love buying clothes for my girls. But they have opinions now, like real opinions, on what they should wear, and I am not cool with them having opinions. They are supposed to be little mini me’s. Clothes with characters are NOT ALLOWED. Elsa is already all over my house, she doesn’t need to be in my drawers, too.
- Attempting to instill a love of healthy food. My 3-year-old could live on cheese quesadillas. Triangle shape required. And you know what? I don’t feel like fighting with her about it anymore. I really don’t. Surely one day she’ll love broccoli. Right?
- Limiting screen time. I know it’s bad for them. I know they are little A-holes when they spend too much time watching TV or on the iPad. But I am so sick of telling them to turn it off. Or that they get one more show. One more “short show.” Or five more minutes, which turns into ten more minutes and 45 minutes of whining.