On February 27, my husband sent me a text that read:
‘Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body.’ We need to be more mindful of how we talk. I think we do pretty well, but it’s a good Proverb to keep in mind. There’s almost always a way to be positive.
The way he encourages me is just one of the many reasons why I love him.
I have to admit that, as a mom, there have been days that I’ve raised my voice. I’ve yelled. I am filled with regret about it, often crying as I watch my babies sleep, wishing I could redo the day. On top of it all, I had been noticing over the last few months that the way my four-year-old talked to her sister wasn’t always kind. The real kicker was the words and tones she used sounded painfully familiar…
When my husband sent me this text, his intention was that we would have a positive view on all things. What he didn’t realize was that date and that text would be a defining date and moment for me as a mom. When I read it, I decided right then that I would no longer yell. It was such a strong revelation, almost as if I didn’t have a choice. I woke up the next morning with a renewed heart and was ready to put a new plan into action. I have to do this for me, but even more so, I have to do it for my family.
I made a game plan:
Start each day with a thankful heart and give my kids a hug and kiss when they wake
I need to do some work on me. Starting with making myself get to bed a little earlier, so I get solid sleep. (I can save some of my never ending to-do list items for another day. Time to get to bed!) By doing this, I am allowing for our mornings to go smoother. If I’m well rested, then I’m ready to handle situations that arise. I’m not sure what happens in our house in the morning, but it feels like a rat race. From the minute the girls get up, we are constantly moving…
I want to slow down and give them a big hug, kiss, and ask them how they slept, every day.
Allow my kids to be kids
My poor first born. When she was little, she couldn’t hardly make the smallest of messes without being reprimanded. By realizing that my kids are kids, I’ve saved myself some frustration and granted them some grace. They really are kids, they are going to spill (even if I tell them to use two hands) and they are going to break things.
Take time to calmly discipline/correct situations
This last one is the biggest one, in my opinion. If I fly off the handle and yell at my kids to get them to stop or correct a behavior, then they are not learning anything. The only thing accomplished is high blood pressure (me) and tears (them). By taking the time to get on their level, I can help them work through conflict and frustration.
We can find a solution to problems and learn while we are at it.
It’s been a few weeks since I first read my husbands text and made a game plan and I already see improvement. After the first week, I was so afraid that I was going to “loose it” and yell again. So far, I’ve been able to keep it together. I’m working on getting more sleep; I need to do better at this. However, even if I’m tired, I give my girls a big hug and kiss, and have a positive attitude when they wake up. Often times this is reciprocated.
Messes have been made, and I’m learning to be ok with them. As an A-type personality, this is harder for me than it probably should be. I have found it’s easier to clean up messes, and even have the girls help me clean up, than it ever was making my girls cry because of a mess.
Taking the time to discipline has resulted in a major positive for us. I assess the situation, calm down the girls, and then we talk calmly about how to correct a situation. I’ve even seen my oldest using a kinder voice when she is frustrated. This alone has made all of this worth it. I felt vulnerable sharing this, but I think it is worth sharing. Our home is a loving home. Our girls are happy and healthy on most days. I am thankful I made the decision to change my parenting; however, I know there is still room for improvement.
