I will soon return to work from my maternity leave, but unlike the first time around I will be returning as a part time employee. This move from full time to part time is an answered prayer. One that I had hoped for a long while. After having my second child, I knew that if our family could swing it, I would without a doubt choose to spend more time at home with them. This is nothing short of a blessing. I am more than aware that a lot of mothers would chose this for their family, if given the opportunity. I will just have to make sure that I am not attaching my worth to my work status.
Being a stay at home mom is not for me, but to be able to stay home more while still keeping my career is right up my alley.
I’ve worked full time since I started my career and taken much pride in being a full time working mom. My financial contributions to my family had always been a big sense of pride for me. I knew that taking this pay cut would mean that I’d need to be more of a money concise mom. I’ll have to make sure not to spend more money while making less. Not eating out for lunch as often, limiting trips to Target and cooking dinner, A LOT! My ideas of the mother I should be are playing with my mind. I picture this penny pitching, craft making, park going, dinner on the table every night kind of mother. The pressure has seemed to already attach itself to my psyche.
If I don’t have dinner ready in time or if the house looks a mess, will I feel like I’ve failed? If the girls spend too much time in front of the TV, will it leave me wondering if I deserve to stay home more?
I can’t help but to feel almost selfish in a way. I know that I am doing this for my family, but I can’t help thinking about the sacrifice that my family will have to make because of my decision. It is because of this sacrifice that I feel I must be a super mom. But let’s be real about it, I may be going to work less, but the work doesn’t stop because I’m at home. I will have to remind myself of this, often. I have realized after talking to other moms that every day won’t be productive. There will be some days I that I will be happy that I showered and brushed my teeth. I have also heard that going to work will be a great escape from the double teaming I will now experience at home. I will have to learn how to give myself grace and space to grow and learn as a new mother of two. More than anything this transition is a blessing and I will be grateful for it every extra day that I get to stay at home with my girls instead of rushing off to a 12-hour shift.