The pursuit of my one true calling has been a constant theme since graduating from college. During my quarter-life crisis, I found myself suffocating in this idea that I had to have one passion, and I needed to figure it out… asap. This was my transition into the real world, realizing that the dream you had envisioned might take a…
Really.
Long.
Time.
There is no map. The road is crazy-bumpy, and filled with countless pot-holes.
Over the course of this decade-long journey, I followed the thread of my curiosities, interests, and strengths, interweaving them into careers that were both excruciating, and extremely gratifying.
This process and time was just about me: Me having endless time to focus on myself; Me navigating life’s waters with (you guessed it!): me, myself, and I.
The next few years I found myself married, pursuing a graduate degree, and (surprise!) pregnant. My daughter was born and, without any hint of exaggeration, things changed overnight. She was my sole focus.
I couldn’t wrap my head around anything ever being as interesting or as consuming as her.
Voila!
Here was my one true calling….she’s been here all along, patiently waiting. I didn’t need to stress about the whole ‘life’s purpose’ thing when clearly motherhood was THE THING.
Until it wasn’t.
I got itchy. Uncomfortable. And not in the ways that you can literally scratch.
I noticed that my anxiety lessened when I was able to take some space from her and reconnect with myself and something I enjoyed. I noticed that I was more present with her when I wasn’t with her all the time. I noticed that when I gave more attention to my career, my brain was stretching in ways that were empowering, and as a result I was a more confident mother.
I’ve learned that motherhood isn’t something I arrive at and declare my genius, and neither is my career. One thing holding all the weight of my sense of purpose feels like another manifestation of unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves.
One thing can’t possibly be everything.
My kids may be the centerpiece of my life, but mama’s still gotta eat. Meanwhile, every decision I make includes how it will effect my children and my ability to show up as a mother in the ways that are important to me.
Here’s a sprinkle of genius: My actual true calling is to feel the way I feel, and to trust myself. It’s to pursue my passions, and to never question them. To love myself first, then pour more love onto my family and friends. It’s to enjoy the little things.
Our one true calling is to follow the thread of what makes us come alive, and at different stages of life, that has been both my family and my career.
We don’t need a map for any of it. We just need to hold onto the wheel (remember to go slow over those pot holes!)… and drive.
