I don’t like schedules.
There. I said it. My daughter has never had much of a schedule. Wake up time, snack time, lunch time, nap, bedtime? Nope.
Truth be told, we have “somewhat” of a schedule around our house. Compared to friends we run on the type of schedule you might see in Barcelona. A typical late morning snack for most might be around 9:30/10am. For us? Noon.
I admire moms who run a tight ship.
I have lots of friends who have their schedule down to a perfect science. I’ve tried. I really have. At the end of the day, it isn’t the way I parent. My daughter doesn’t respond the way she “should” in the books I read… “kids crave routine, they crave a consistent schedule…” I know there is SO much truth to that, but at the end of the day, we kind of make our own rules.
Some of the reasons excuses for this in our lives happen to do with some variables that are outside our control.
My husband works weird days and hours. There is never any consistency. That makes it hard to do the same thing, day after day. Sometimes we want to spend an extra hour with him instead of stick to the schedule perfectly. We often choose a bit of family time over the schedule.
Another reason is our family runs on a different time-clock than most, it seems. We are all naturally night owls. Those kids that wake up at 5:30am on the dot, no matter what? No. Never. That has NEVER happened here. My daughter could go to bed at 7pm and she will still sleep in until 8am. She loves to sleep in. I love to sleep in. My husband loves to sleep in. But with that, we all love to go to bed a little later than most. My kiddo’s natural body clock, if I allowed it to be so, would be to go to bed a little bit later and sleep in until about 8:30am.
Last, we love to travel. We love to go camping. We love to say “yes” to a dinner party that extends beyond 7:30pm. It’s just something we did since our little girl was a baby, and we got used to it.
With all of this said out loud, I must admit to you all that I am jealous of you women who maintain a well-balanced and consistent schedule. You should see how many books I have read, sticker charts I have made, and schedules I have posted on my walls. I’ve tried and I still try.
I yearn for consistency. It just doesn’t come naturally for me. I have to really work at it and make it my number one priority.
Even though our lives may be a bit chaotic, I know my home is filled with loads of love and laughter. It isn’t perfect, but it works, and we are more than surviving. We relish the occasional movie night when we all stay up as a family past our “bedtime.”
Dad here — but totally with you.
Except for admiring the scheduling part: if it works, great! But more often than not, I see insistence on schedule being limiting, if not stressful. I think lack of schedule is ‘adaptability’ and an important skill. A child that is flexible on eating and sleeping — one that trusts you, not the schedule — will also trust you when other things go unplanned. Rigid adherence to a schedule means you can’t get outside when it’s nice out, or visit friends from out-of-town on a whim, or travel (easily). Babysitting and daycare is hard because other people don’t know the exact nuclear code sequence for bedtime. Doesn’t sound fun to me. What is bizarre to me is the adages to new parents about ‘getting on a schedule,’ which is valued more than adaptability.
“Compared to friends we run on the type of schedule you might see in Barcelona” — amazing that Barcelona (and many other places in the world) have perfectly functioning kids, right? If you haven’t read “Bringing Up Bebe,” you might enjoy it.
Good essay here!