Take it from me: making time for romance after you’ve had a baby isn’t easy. Lack of sleep, mood swings, and trying to ensure that your precious newborn stays alive can keep a new mom pretty darn busy. Basic things like brushing your teeth twice a day and blow drying your hair seem almost impossible. So, how can you make your sex life a priority after baby comes along? Here are a few tips I’ve learned after three years of trying to accomplish this almost impossible task.
1. Fake it Till you Make it
Post-baby, I did not feel sexy AT ALL. I mean, I felt pretty icky most of the time. I struggled to find the time to shower, and unfortunately I hadn’t discovered the magic of dry shampoo at that point. I wore the same pair of baggy black sweat pants for days on end, and the milk stains on my shirt from breast engorgement and leakage did not help. The point is, most woman do not feel sexy after having a baby. This is totally normal, and totally expected. One of the most difficult and amazing life events just transpired, and it takes time to transition back to pre-baby life. Give yourself lots of grace, and fake it till you make it. What does this mean? Throw on a maxi dress if it makes you feel pretty. Even if it is for no one except baby. Put on some dangly earrings and maybe even a bit of red lipstick as you head out the door to pick up wipes at Target. Believe me, in due time you will be back to your normal self again.
2. Say “Hello” to Lingerie Again
Maybe all you see in the mirror is a whole bunch of cellulite and an extra twenty pounds. Yet, your partner can’t seem to stop hinting that it’s been a while since you’ve had sex. What we see and what others see in the mirror are two completely different images. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexy again, and pulling out something silky or lacy can be a really nice change. I am not even talking about full on garter belts and babydolls, just something that makes you feel sexy. Perhaps it is a cozy pair of running shorts and some knee high socks, or a soft and silky nightgown. Grab a few minutes alone to take a hot bath and change into something that makes you feel good about your body.
3. Find a Babysitter
I know, it is the scariest thing to leave your sweet little baby with babysitter for the first time, but do it. At least once within the first six months. Go on a date and do anything accept talk about baby. Find someone you trust, check in once or twice, but simply look at your partner and laugh a little. There is nothing better for reigniting romance than just hanging out and having a good time together, alone.
4. Cuddle with your Partner
Cuddling makes me all ooey-gooey inside for my hubs once again. Our busy and stressful life often leaves little room for hand holding or kissing. Babies can be really exhausting, and it can be easy to get caught up in parenting and all the stresses of raising a child. What happened to make out sessions, long cuddles on the couch, and pent up frustration? Cuddle, kiss, caress, and remember why you fell in love once again.
5. Have a Little Fun and be Spontaneous
Seize the moment! Baby is napping? Sneak in a quickie! Baby goes to bed early? Enjoy an episode on Netflix and have a beer. The point is – there are a million things to do in a day. Tend to your marriage bed, even if it means letting the dishes stay dirty overnight. Take advantage of moments when you can reconnect with your partner.