The flu season is happening people, and if you haven’t had the flu at your house, be prepared. Moms, here’s what you’ll need to keep you sane when the plague takes over.
- TV. iPad. Kindle. Tablet. Some type of screen. Screen must be on at all times. Do not attempt any learning during this time. Do not attempt reading or writing. Do not suggest coloring. Hand the child the remote, and walk away. These items are key in your flu survival kit, screen time during flu season is a go.
- Flu station AKA pit of despair. This area is typically the couch. Surround child with blanket, tissues, water, Gatorade, PediaLite, hand sanitizer, trash can for disgusting tissues, Bear-bear or equivalent lovey.
- Thermometer. You will use this one million times per day. Sanitize or change cover frequently as you will also be continually checking your temperature and the temperature of the other children and possibly the dog. Can dogs get the flu?
- Disinfectant spray/wipes. Plan to walk around your house spraying/wiping anything child may have touched. Or breathed on. Or looked at.
- Medicine. You will try cherry liquid, which child will spit directly in your face. Next, you will try generic berry liquid, it will also be rejected. Then, you will try grape chewable, THOSE ARE DISGUSTING! Don’t even think about trying a Ricola cough drop have you lost your damn mind? You will try bubblegum chewable, those may be tolerated. You will spend $150 at Target on medicine that you will never use.
- Preventative measures. Colloidal silver: spray under the tongue. Elderberry gummies: take 2 regularly, then eat too many because sugar. Kick-Ass Immune: spray under tongue. Gross. Eat more elderberry gummies.
- Coffee. You will run out of coffee because you cannot leave your house. Flu season is ruining your life, and you need coffee. You will cry and beg your sister to bring you a latte. She will do this because she loves you. You are lucky.
- Earbuds. Because you will be tired of pretending to watch Aladdin again and it is okay to zone out on an audiobook while ferrying water and tissues and medicine and love from your safe zone in the kitchen to the pit of despair.
Good luck out there. The flu will eventually end. Right? Tell me it ends.