Okay, in all fairness, this should actually be titled “Friendship as an Adult is HARD.” Of course, this is a parenting resource, so I’m going to talk specifically on making mom friends – because they seem so elusive, right? I now that when you become a mom, it’s incredibly important to find your mom tribe. While it is cliché, it truly does take a village to raise a child. Sadly, too many of us end up doing it in isolation.
Why do we need mom friends?
Okay, okay. I realize that this is a silly question to ask parents. For me, the answer is simple. I need mom friends because parenting is hard, and I need a community to turn to in times of need. While my friends without kids are great at lending a shoulder to cry on, only those with kids can truly commiserate. Additionally, my mom friends are filled with a wealth of knowledge and often have the exact tip or trick to help get me through my rough patch.
Mom friends in the early months of parenthood
During those early months of parenthood, I was desperate for friends. At the same time, I was completely overwhelmed by trying to keep a new being alive! I had met fellow moms-to-be at my prenatal yoga class, but at the time I gave birth, they felt so far away. They were either still pregnant, or wrestling a newborn at home themselves. None of us had the strength or wherewithal to reach out to one another.
Fortunately, those early months passed (although they felt like FOREVER) and slowly I felt capable of connecting with these other new mommas and scheduling get-togethers. Some of those friendships fizzled, but others have continued, for which I am grateful.
What about motherhood as the basis of friendship?
I love being able to talk about the joys and challenges of parenting with my fellow moms. However, I have quickly come to realize just having motherhood in common is not enough to sustain a friendship. I love my daughter, and I am always happy to regale others with tales about potty training, or the challenges of getting her to eat well. At a point though, I stop wanting to talk about those topics. I want to talk about basically anything other than parenting – seriously.
Maybe it’s just me, but my friendships help make me a well-rounded adult. And after talking non-stop about being a mom, I start to lose sight of the other parts of me. I start to become nothing but a mom in my own head. Being a mom is awesome, of course, but there are so many other ways that I define myself. I’m a business strategist, and a kind and compassionate boss. Cooking and food are incredibly important to me. I’m politically engaged and an activist.
So what? That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with other moms!
I agree. Just because I have these other sides of me doesn’t mean that I can’t be friends with other moms! However, I have found that trying to find other moms that I can connect with on a deeper level has been challenging. I have met a lot of wonderful women in the two-and-a-half years that I’ve been a parent. For many, I cherish the moments that we spent together, using each other for emotional support during tough times. But only a handful have developed into anything deeper.
Even though it’s hard, I will not stop trying to make new mom friends. I will keep putting myself out there, and hoping that a connection grows. It’s important for me to keep building my village. Also, I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have dear friends from my pre-parenthood days join me in this journey. As each of them has a baby, my parenthood village grows by one. In particular, I am incredibly lucky to have my sister and my best friend joining me in motherhood in the next few months!
I hope you will join me in working to grow and sustain friendships with other moms. And if you’re ever looking to connect with a Denver native who moved back from San Francisco, loves beer and coffee, and is passionate about food, scaling businesses, and education policy, hit me up!
How do you make mom friends and carry friendships through motherhood? Join our Community and Conversation group to connect with more local moms, just like you!