It was a hard day. It’s been a hard winter. Having three kids under the age of four is no joke. To say I’m sleep deprived is an understatement. There’s not enough of me to go around. The baby is fussing and the toddler is whining and the oldest is demanding attention. There is laundry to be folded, dishes to be unloaded, toys to pick up, showers to take, mouths to feed, stories to read, and hot wheels to race. I am needed literally all the time.
There are moments where I feel like Wonder Woman and then there are the moments where I fall apart. I get wrapped up in the chaos of it all. I yell, rush, lose my patience, cry, and want to press a reset button on the day, but I suppose that’s what tomorrow is for…
They say kids remember more of the good moments than the tough ones, and maybe I’ll get there too in a few years, but right now, the days are long and the years are short.
Today was one of those long days. It started going downhill after we arrived at the pediatricians office for my baby’s 4 month check up, only to be told he was not on the schedule that day. I immediately burst into uncontrollable tears, fueled by frustration and bewilderment. I haven’t slept much since he has been born, and last night was no exception. On top of this, the older kids were up at 5am, ready to party. It takes a lot to get to an appointment on time, so we started getting ready two hours ago. I ran a red light thinking that it was broken, for fear of being late. My toddler fell asleep on the way here, thus ruining nap time.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I last showered five days ago and I can’t remember if I brushed by teeth this morning. There is spit up in my hair and snot on my shoulder. The dog peed in the house. I’m upset with the baby for only taking a ten minute nap and therefore being fussy all morning, monopolizing my time. I’m frustrated with myself for not being able to cater to three boys and their needs in the way that I wish I could. The car door is too heavy and the commercials on the radio are too commercially. I am turning into a toddler! A full blown, irrational two-year-old. Parenting is gritty and exhausting. It’s scary, rewarding, trying, and completely self sacrificing. A beautiful mess. There are so many tears, but so many smiles. A whole new world filled with love that overwhelms you and exhaustion that overtakes you.
At the end of days like this, I, like many other mamas out there, like to enjoy a glass of wine. So cheers my fellow warriors, to everything behind this glass of wine:
0 moments alone
2 public meltdowns (1 of which was my own)
3 major falls, one of which resulted in googling “Can a 20-month-old break their nose?”
4 times a stranger told me it looked like I had my hands full
5 Clorox wipes needed to wipe the pee off of the bathroom floor, walls, and toilet seat. Because boys.
6 episodes of Paw Patrol
7 clothing changes
8 bites of dinner consumed
9 times my coffee was microwaved
10 minutes spent searching for my phone (which was in my back pocket the whole time, by the way)
14 of the best full body bear hugs
16 diaper changes
23 minutes to dress one toddler – the first time
27 open tabs running in my brain
32 times I uttered “be careful”
40 times I ‘watched this’
62 broken up arguments
98 spilled Cheerios
Hundreds of tears
Thousands of laughs
1 tired mama