No More Children – The Emotional Side

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On an ordinary Saturday afternoon a few weeks back, I started organizing the bins of my children’s clothes I was preparing to sell and donate. As I started going through this simple task on an ordinary day, the memories started flooding in. The outfit my daughter wore on her first Valentine’s day – there it was, complete with the cute headband and shoes with red hearts. Or the first pair of shorts that my baby wore for his first summer. That was just last March, when we went to the park on vacation and he looked so adorable.

Then I came to the cold, hard realization that I was in a transitional phase, one that I wasn’t prepared for: All of my baby’s firsts are my last.

His first steps. His first word. His first day of preschool. His first taste of ice cream.

They are ALL the last time that I will get that feeling, that vibe and excitement when he does something new, as he is my youngest and we’re not planning on any more children.No More Children - The Emotional Side | Denver Metro Moms Blog

Tears streaming down my face buried in 9 bins of baby clothes, my husband definitely knew that I had lost it.I was acting as though a toddler who had just had their ice cream taken away. Okay, maybe that’s a bit over the top . . .

This whole epiphany – if you will – is so sweet. My oldest was born just a mere three years ago. Six weeks early, too! We were thrust into parenthood without even having the crib set up (yep, I thought I had the full 40 weeks!). The past several years of my life have been dedicated to getting pregnant and having my two kiddos. Books, advice, friends, both new and old were there every step of the way. Talking diaper brands, breastfeeding, is baby walking yet, when will your daughter have her first trip to Disney, so on and so forth. My life has been so focused on the next steps with my first; is my daughter ready for Kindergarten, when can she enroll in soccer, but I always knew I’d get to go through these same life rituals in just two years with my baby. But now my son grows and changes every day (they seriously change every single day!), I have completely been ignoring the fact that these moments, my baby’s milestones, are the last time that I will go through any of this.

I am so happy that I don’t get to miss these moments and my goal in sharing this isn’t to bring you down. I just know that I don’t want to miss anything, with either of my children.

I just can’t fathom that even 5 years from now, both kiddos will be in elementary school, and diapers and squeeze pouches will be a distant memory. I may even get to sleep 8-hours a night, fingers crossed. I’ll soon be the mom who is watching the sleep deprived moms, with coffee in hand stroll the aisles of Target aimlessly.

I don’t want to look at these lasts with my children in a negative light. I soak it all in, each and every day. After all, I have two healthy kiddos, a devoted and helpful husband, and the chance to savior these memories. Unfortunately growing up isn’t negotiable, but being happy and making memories is. I guess to get out of my funk, I will just have to keep plugging along in my mommy Pinterest world, planning birthday parties, and simply enjoy this ride called mommyhood. No more tears in baby bins for this gal – at least for today.

When was the moment you realized you baby’s firsts were going to be your last?

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Leah is a mom two adorable kiddos; a three year old daughter and one year old son, and proud wife to Carey, Owner and President of Five Peaks Capital Group, based in Denver. When not working part time, she is busy at home with her two kids, trying new recipes, taking long strolls in Target on every single aisle (complete with coffee in hand), curled up on the couch with a nice glass of wine, practicing yoga, and now writing. She enjoys having a work-life balance, being able to work part-time within a passion of hers, and spending time with her babies. A true Denver native (third generation Denver-born!), she lived in Arizona for a few years after graduating from Colorado State University (Go Rams!) before returning home and never looking back.

3 COMMENTS

  1. You just captured this emotion perfectly! The Mom walking aimlessly in Target with her new baby, was me, and now I’m chasing my three boys around the aisles, missing the days at least one of them was in the infant carseat. However, my youngest is 17 months old, so I have SO many memories to make and milestones to reach. But that won’t stop me from tearing up at the Pampers commercials. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I’ve cried through every outgrown size of baby clothes and preschool room transition, so it’s nice to hear I’m not alone with this type of crazy. Our second daughter is also our last baby, so these feelings are even more intensified this time around.

    • Yes, thank you for sharing! It’s such a bittersweet, happy but also kind of sad feeing. I think a lot of mama’s have this same emotion but don’t realize it!

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