Dear Karoline,
Sending you, my first born, to school has been harder than I thought it would be. You’ve been my companion every day (other than maybe five days) for five years.
I didn’t anticipate the emotions that both of us would have with you going to school. When I drop you off and you walk in without any reservation, I am overcome with pride, quickly followed by “my baby is growing up so fast” tears. On the days that you’re upset when I leave, I break down and second guess everything about sending you to school.
Are you old enough? Are you ready? Should I home school you?
Little things we have encountered with you being in school have felt huge. Letting you try “hot lunch” was a hurdle for me. If I make your lunch, I know you will have a few extra minutes to eat. I know that you’ll make it to the table without spilling your food. Thankfully for us, we have an insider who keeps an eye on you. Having your grandma work at your school has been a blessing.
I think that being a stay-at-home-mom has made this transition harder for both of us. Just the same, I am thankful that I have been able to be with you every day up until this point. Five years at home with you went by quick!
Those first five years seemed fast.
Until now. Now I know we are moving fast. This fast forward time continuum, known as school, is confusing the tar out of me. I thought with you in school I would have more time. Surprise, I don’t. Kids go to school every day, I can’t be the only one who is shocked by this. There’s so much more to school than dropping you off and picking you up. I think part of this must be because we are no longer living on our time frame. We have a structure to our day that we have to stick with. One that revolves around bells and only gives a five minute window for error (thank you very little, tardy bell)!
With you in school, I should have more time to do things.
For whatever reason, it doesn’t feel that way. By the time I get on with the day, I look up (or my “pick you up from school” alarm goes off, so I don’t forget) and it’s time go get you.
Your smiling face when you see me is precious. It melts me every time. There’s exhaustion behind your smile. All day kindergarten wears you out. You’re ready for a snack and some down time. Or so it seems. You have your snack on the car ride home and when we get home you seem to be super energized. This has thrown me a curve ball. I thought for sure you would be tired in the evenings. Come to find out you are very studious and hold yourself in check quite well at school. Because of this, when you get home, you’re ready to let all the silly out. And, you do.
As the weeks go on, our rough days are becoming fewer and farther in between. We had your parent teacher conference last night and a lot of my reservations have been washed away. I’m thankful we have the opportunity for you to go to school. Thankful for the teachers and staff who care so much about you and your success.
This new phase of parenthood is foreign and exciting. I’m thankful to have you on this journey with me.
Love,
Mom
