The Eating Habits of the Human Species Hangreus Toddlerus

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Approach slowly when first encountering the Hangreus Toddlerus. At first glance cute and cuddly, this species can be vicious, especially when not fed appropriately. Below you’ll find a common meal plan for this unique wild animal.

One note: details may vary according to habitat, age, sex and sleep pattern.

Goldfish

Breakfast: Offer scrambled eggs. Species will take one forkful of eggs, then immediately spit it out due to poor temperature control.

Second Breakfast: One half yogurt pouch.

Third breakfast: 17 goldfish crackers. Must be whole, no pieces.

Morning snack: Three apple slices with the skin peeled off. Skin will not be tolerated.

Morning snack Two: One fistful of sand.

Lunch: Offer one peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into fours, with crusts cut off. This will first be smeared all over the stroller tray, then thrown onto the sidewalk.

Afternoon snack: Offer Pirate’s Booty. Offer applesauce. Offer yogurt. Offer trail mix. Offer pears. Offer frozen peas. Offer string cheese.

Throw it all away.

Dinner: Taco night. Species will consume:

  • One bite of shredded cheese
  • 2 pieces of lettuce (put in mouth and then spit out)
  • 3 scoops of beans and rice
  • 2 pieces taco shells
  • 27 spoonfuls of sour cream

Bedtime: Species will vocalize hunger. Hide yourself in closet. Try not to disturb the beast.

Does anyone else feel like their toddler is on an eating strike? Anyone else have a toddler who LOVES a food one day and then refuses that same food for the next six weeks? How do you deal with a picky toddler?

5 COMMENTS

  1. Listen, that two pieces of lettuce put in the mouth should be considered a victory. At least it would be considered a victory in our house. They may have gotten some nutrients through osmosis. 🙂

  2. At first, I felt frustrated and overwhelmed by our picky eating struggles. As time went on, I decided to make margaritas out of lemons, and go for the world record. We are into the teenage years and just coming out of that stage. We had some extra sensory issues tacked on, but the struggle remained the same: how do you get any nutrition into this kid? How do you get them to eat a meal that doesn’t take hours of special preparation? And how do you avoid slapping the parents that say, “we just have a policy: eat or go hungry.” They never met my child, “the hold out king.” All I can offer is, keep trying. Do what you can to let them feel some control. Take them to buffets and let them pick their meals with minimal rules. Try vitamin supplements that get fruit and vegetable proteins in them (this can help their body to start craving those nutrients). And most of all, remember that everything is a stage. 🙂 They will do it eventually!

  3. So so true!! Love it! I haven’t tried this yet, but I pinned an article about putting a bunch of small portions of different foods into a ice cube tray (as the plate) and giving that to a picky eater. It looks like it would be a good idea.

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